Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to cry? That's how I've been feeling for awhile now. Caring for a loved one who has short term memory issues is hard. I try to keep the words "don't you remember?" out of my vocabulary but...
Taking on most of the daily responsibilities, being a single car family, doctor appointments; worrying about what the future may bring and hoping I can cope; needing to take time for myself - but feel guilty doing so - blah, blah, blah. We have our good days and bad days. Tomorrow will be better.
2 comments:
Oh Pat, my heart is breaking for you as I read these words. And yes, I've had those days -- not for the memory issues, but definitely in the caregiving role. It all needs to be so much and the guilt sinks in.
If I might be so bold as to offer a few things I learned along the way. They're probably nothing new but always worth thinking about.
First, marshal any support system you might have. Good friends, neighbors, church or organization members, anyone who can offer respite. Possibly rides, if necessary, time to sit with your family member while you get a break, a meal, an ear, anything.
Second, if you feel comfortable with this, find a counselor or therapist -- someone neutral who has only you in mind. If you can't go to appointments, someone like Kathy McCoy (do you follow her blog?) who does online appointments is a possibility. Your person's medical team may be able to offer names of someone in your area. You need a safe place to debrief on bad days, ask questions about specifics.
Finally, try (and this is, I know, the hardest part) to let go of the guilt. To be able to spend time for yourself is essential for what you can give to the other. It helps alleviate resentment (and even when you love them to pieces, that sneaks in); it allows your mind a rest from other thoughts; as a creative, it gives you a place to be free. You may choose to exorcise feelings on a canvas, in a journal. Wherever.
You are doing the hardest job a person can do. Honor yourself because you deserve that. Biggest cyber hugs across the country.
Really touched to read your post. Its a tough job as i have seen similar experience.
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